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Yes, I'm sorry to say, I relapsed.
I was doing very well, too. But, I had a very, VERY stressful situation at home. Was that an excuse? Probably not. But, I relapsed anyway.
I have a neighbor who lives right behind me. She's an alcoholic. She took in a former tenent of mine, who robbed me of @ $20,000. Since then, she's been harrassing me. She wants to be his "champion" or something, I guess. This has been going on for 2 years. And she's escalated. She's now threatened me, and filed a false police charge against my son. I've had the police here more often than I can shake a stick at. Three neighbors have seen her come over and attack me, totally unprovoked. I can't even enjoy my yard. Her dogs have attacked my son's g/f's children and she does nothing, though she witnessed it!
I had to get a restraining order against her. And I've been advised to report her to the board of health as an impaired physician. But, she's totally crazy and, frankly, I'm scared of what she'll do next, if I do. We have to go to court on Monday.
So, I relapsed. My son and his g/f and her kids are staying with me for a while. She smokes. The sickarettes were right here, and it was just too easy to pick up. I asked, she handed a butt right over to me. My bad, yes. I'm making no excuses. My nerves were completely shot! The police were here three times the day I picked up, and I had to call them a forth time, due to this nut case!
This is my summer vacation from school. I still have to do 40 hours of professional development. I've been looking for a part time job, to help pay for the oil bill this coming winter, but, no one's hiring. My mom is sick, and I"m going to have to spend 10 days with her. Some vacation, huh? :>(
My plan is to quit again on July 22nd. That's my birthday. It's a good time for a quit. A new start. In the meantime, I"m still taking one chantix each day, to keep it in my blood and brain neurotransmitters. I hope that's the right thing to do...
iTS OK BRO....THATS REALLY SAD FOR YOU TO GO THRU THAT....I CANT SAY IT ENOUGH AND THE QUITING WILL COME ...YOU HAVE TO HANDLE YOUR BIZ AND GET THINGS STRAIGHTENED OUT....THE BIGGEST THING ABOUT QUITING IS THE FACT THAT YOU CHOSE TO QUIT....AND MADE A DECISON THAT YOU DONT WANT TO SMOKE...THATS THE BIGGEST STEP...IS TO MAKE THAT MOVE....IM SORRY FOR ALL YOU ARE GOING THRU....LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT....HANG IN THERE.....
I know that you know that smoking didn't solve any of the problems you're facing....it just added one more "yuck" to the pile.
But what is done, is done....lesson learned (you're a teacher right? ;)) so, now it's time to move on. You've still got what it takes to do this, and I would be telling everyone in YOUR house to go smoke somewhere else. This is hard enough, you don't need someone blowing smoke in your face.
This time it's your neighbor....tomorrow it will be something else. Life didn't take a back seat to accomodate my quit, and it won't take one for you either. You become a successful quitter when you face all that life deals you, without cigarettes. I know it's hard.....but it is doable and you can't even imagine how empowering it is, and how good it feels, to know that you can live and cope smokefree!!!
I am sorry that you are facing all that you are facing. Some days life flippin' well sucks!!! You can't change the people around you, and often you can't control the circumstances you have to deal with....but you CAN choose to walk free of this addiction and not let these stinking brown crap sticks control and manipulate you any longer!! Do whatever you have to to get ready for the 22nd. and know that you are not alone!!! Come here the next time BEFORE lighting that smoke!! You'll be glad you did! That's what we're here for!
“If I have ‘just one’ I will be back where I started. Where I started was wishing I was where I am today!!!”
“Just one” = “square one” EVERYTIME!! Don’t do it!
Wow, teach, you've got a lot on your plate. #1 ask your son's g/f to smoke outside - out front if its not safe out back. You need to get your quit back! #2 Don't let this nutcase get the best of you - let your withdrawal grumpies give you the strength to do whatever is needed to keep your family safe. Have your son build you a privacy fence if needed so you don't have to even see this woman - and if she destroys it, you can add destruction of property and vandalism to her growing list of law breaking stunts. Call animal control on her dogs - here in FL we have leash laws and if a dog attacks anyone outside of their own property, the dog can be quarantined and the owner could have to pay huge fines and post BAD DOG signs with even greater restrictions compared to non-violent dogs. Don't let this woman bully you. If she is a physician, then you have a civic duty to report her to whoever will investigate her behavior. I certainly would NOT want her treating me or any of my loved ones! YOU HAVE RIGHTS! And amongst the rights to live safely in your home, you have the right to do whatever you have to do (legally) to be healthy. So, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, dust yourself off and start your quit over again. YOU CAN DO THIS!! Holler if you need me :)
Hi, Doreen,
And thank you for your support.
We are going to court today. She has the right to refute the restraining order, if she chooses -- or dares! I have the police reports and photos. And, if she does, I'll tell her, in front of the judge, that she can turn herself in as an impaired physician to the board of heath, or *I* will do it for her.
The police and the dog officer have known about this for two years and have done nothing! I finally called the town manager. Now, they are beginning to take me seriously. Seems the police didn't hand the reports into the dog officer, or so she said....who knows?
I'm not sitting back and taking her bull. But, the stress of her constant harrassment and the false charges against my son *did* get to me.
My son's g/f won't be here much longer. The smoking won't be an issue much longer. ;>)
Thanks again. I will get back on track, cuz this is something I want. I was quit for over two years before I relapsed in December. I just have to get back to it. :>)
So, smoking helped the nutcase leave you alone? It made you not have to call the cops again? It made that extra job magically appear??
I'm sorry you smoked and I think it's great that you're right back here fighting again. We can find reasons to smoke. As junkie addicts it's what we do. Smoking changed nothing except it made you a smoker again, vs. a non smoker.
I had a history teacher who had this poster on his wall... It said: Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. Learn from your mistakes. Apply them in the future. Figure out another way to handle stress because we all know, smoking isn't the answer.
Do not beat yourself up. I have wanted to have a cig everytime something goes wrong in my life big or small and I have been smoke free for 2 months today. My husband and I had a huge fight on Friday night and the first thing I thought of was smoking. Then I thought will it change the fact that I am mad at my husband, will it make the fight any better, will it make him say he is sorry, will it make me feel better, will it solve the problem that started the fight in the first place and most of all how will I feel after I smoke that cig? Then after thinking all of this (out loud) I will feel worse if I smoke. Because after all I would still be fighting with my husband and then on top of that I have to quit again. So I would have 2 problem to deal with instead of 1. So I decided not to smoke and I have to say I am so glad I did. You have to do a lot of talking to yourself while you are quitting. Always weigh the pros and cons and believe me the cons will always win. You can talk yourself out of it everytime. Good luck!!!
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