bessd quit

I don't use this site any more, but it was absolutely integral when I was starting my quit. I still have battles, but I hope this can serve as encouragement to those out there who are still in the roughest of the rough. It is not easy, but it can be done. My stats below...

Yesterday morning I was picking up some breakfast at the corner store. For the first time since I quit, I looked right at the Parliament Lights sitting in the rack behind the counter and had half a millisecond of a thought about buying a pack. I looked at the cashier, who asked, "Anything else?"

"Nah, that's it," I answered. It was hard to say.

I've been having dreams about smoking. I've been getting occasional cravings again, too. What's the deal? Things were going so well and… Continue

Smoking dreams. 3 of 'em in 2 weeks. This is the first time this has happened since I quit. They were all slightly different, but each dream was intense, vivid. Moreso than my usual dreams. Each one has the cigarette seeming less and less gross, too. I wake up and kinda laugh at myself, but damn! They definitely are not helping.

This was just one part of my weird day yesterday: read my rant on craigslist.

I didn't smoke. I'm proud of that.

Someone somewhere forgot to cross a t or dot an i, so I didn't start work today. It's been bumped to Monday. I'm cool with that -- it gives me that much more time to prepare.

It's been 44 days since I quit my pack-a-day habit. I'm starting back at work tomorrow. I was smoking when my leave from work kicked in, so it'll be interesting to return. I've never been not-smoking at that job. Hoping the stress doesn't do evil things, like, say, send me to 7-11 in search of those Parliament Lights.

There are now huge chunks of time (read: almost 24 hours) where I don't think about smoking a single puff. It's nice, although what I really want is to not think about cigarettes at all. One of the reasons I quit was because I was tired of how much they ruled my day. It still feels like that sometimes. Like I can almost see the ghost of a Cigarette King in the corner of my mind, still wearing his jeweled crown, still sitting on his high throne, waving his matchstick scepter whenever I feel like… Continue

Here's to hoping next month is easier.

Now that the stresses from the end of last week have dissipated, I'm not really thinking about smoking as much. I guess I'll be looking out for those stressy moments for a while so I'll know why I'm craving.

I've been getting more cravings lately. Usually a couple a day. It's like they slowed down a bunch for a week or so and now they're back more often. Very. Frustrating. I thought things were supposed to keep getting easier...