Well, it happened....I slipped twice in the last five days. Bummed 'em. It was impulsive. This week been very stressful and hectic. I am working to get back on track and realizing that while one slip doesn't compel me to go through withdrawal in a physical way, the mental/behavior part seems to be one long withdrawal. I am not quitting on the quit. Been three hard weeks and as the therapists like to say "relapse is part of recovery".
I have made good progress on the triggers and cues...it's the "craves out of nowhere" that caught me off guard. It is practice practice practice for me to stand back and be objective and understand it is just a feeling, not a mandate, and, that i can surf the urges but i have to be ready, be prepared.
I knew this could happen but am chagrined nonetheless. I know it's happened to many others but in this sense I take a selfish position: what counts is it happened to me during my quit.
This community are the only ones to know I have had these two slips and I intend to keep it that way. You all get it, understand it....most others it will just end up being a long winded and pointless attempt to explain how I "came so far, how could i mess up". The answer is easy - I'm an addict.
On a positive note, I am making good gains feeling much better physically with fewer will mood swings (or not any sort of mood at all for hours, and less irritable at least for now.
Will write more tomorrow. I am still cleaning up the leftover "mess" of this week's stress....mostly about money but now resolved successfully.
Hope everyone who has been so good to me are all doing well. I look forward to hearing from you when you get the chance.
mdmd
