OH my gosh, I just need to scream!!! ARG!!!! ARG!!! and ARG!!! The past 3 days has made me grumpy, frustrated, grouchy, anxious, made me the jumping jack and coloring queen, I have walked the dogs, I have listened to music, shouted, cleaned house, jumped on treadmill and screamed NOPE!!! but can't seem to shake the nicodude. and the biggest bad choice of the day went driving by myself. Stopped at the gas station, had the thought to go buy cigarettes, sat in my car bawled my eyes out and then drove away telling myself I would really regret it. I did not buy them or smoke any I swear. I know, I know, I think I need some butt kicking and ping to the head for that stinking thinking. I know I don't really want to smoke again and don't want another day one and know if I do I will be all that more anxious. Drove home deep breathing and trying to recollect my thoughts. Tears flowing, I know it will pass, thanking God I pledged to not smoke today and the promise to Nix and everyone here that I will not smoke. Okay heads spinning going to take hot bath and regroup. Thanks for listening.
