I've been quiet for almost 2 weeks now. Being a newbee myself, I kinda sat back and read, listened and watched, all the stories told, the milestones being met dailly by so many. The friendships that are so genuine and I experienced a wonderful sence of peace. This is a place you can come to, to do whatever it is you need to do to find success in this very difficult task of battling Nic! You can talk, cry, yell, ask for help, jump up and down in celebration, vent on your pity party, hold hands tightly and walk right along side others, and gain knowledge by others who lived it. During this 2 weeks I was very privledged to have Newer newbees call out to me. I came in running and ready and I have kept my committment and will not quit on my quit. But that only came after Trying to have a Final quit for over 6 months. For the record, the censations have really been testing me. I have experienced so many many emotions and feelings, ups and downs. I have been journaling as much as I can to help me be able to understand my bodies personal and emotional changes. It seems that there are many reasons in the begining that jump out at us. Anger, when we are not quiting for ourselves First. Or when someone who hoped we could quit would question our ability.How quickly that makes you want to give in. But NO, We have to understand it is not about anyone else, its our life, our future and our very own health that lays in the balance here. Expectations of non smokers in our lives, for us to just do it and be done. A feeling on low esteem can arise. But wait, they just love us, if they never smoked they really dont understand how it can be so hard. Which is why we gotta be honest with others that in our hearts its our greatest desire to quit, but support and understanding along with a little time is how we need there help. At times that doesnt work, but you can and will get that support on Ex. Sadness and even Fear, when we feel that there may be a chance that we may fail, yet the truthful definition of failure is to stop trying. And with this fear, even being afraid to come to the site and be honest in saying, I slipped today. Dont let fear stop your reaching out. This IS a Safe Place!! There is no Judgement here, oh lets embrace that fact. Everyone wants everyone to make it here. Thats the beauty of Ex. if anything goes array, so many have been there. We have to get right back up, brush off and get right back on minute by minute if need be. I agree it is a real mind struggle and ReThinking your brain is most important. Thats where the journaling came in. To sit back and try to understand why and how I think about things, taking responsiblity finally for my own life, Knowing that I have value and I do matter, because reality is,only I make the final decision of what I do with my life. I finally decided my value doesnt come from a job and a career that can disappear in our economy, or money and things which can be lost in a moment, or from other people. Our value comes from God, where we are always loved,even whn were not perfect.Even if it takes multiple tries to get it right. He only asks us to love him, always strive to be our best and never give up. Just ask him for strength and wisdom. We have all made bad choices, waited too long to correct things, made excuses for lots of stuff.
Beleive it, we all have beauty within us, let go of what hurts you, stops you, causes fear, creates struggles. Life is so very precious and short lived in the reality of things. There is nothing more important if you Really stop and really look at it... than our health. So we can live long lives, spend as many moments as possible with people we love and to be able to breathe and look out and see the beauty in all things around us. Its when we start to lose things we believed were so important, that really were not..that we begin to see what really is important .Let us not wait anymore, lose anymore time or moments, Choose Life Now and never go back!
I thank God everyday now for opening my eyes and giving me peace and the strength to let go and embrace life.
And I thank God for Ex, a community of love, care, and sharing to help make each others lives better everyday.
