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Share your quitting journey

Tale of a very odd and unique smoker's scenario

wwjd4132
Member
0 11 19

My name is wwjd4132 (or Jeff),

Looking for someone who can relate to the following:

 

Smoke most any day I can get away with it. Usually 3 to five if I have a pack on hand. Or 1-2 if I bum from stranger. Smoked a pack of Marlboro Reds a day from age 18 until age 32. Got married and was hypnotized at the urging of my wife to quit. Did not work, although I convinced her it did. Ended up smoking when I could for the next 29 years (driving alone, home alone, working alone...whatever). Used gum and other items to mask odor and breath. She found hidden cigs multiple times. She found ashes on car seat, dashboard, noticed smell in car on occasion. I would tell her I quit and then resume the deception. This went on for years. I swore I wasn't smoking. She loves me so much that she would try to believe me, and then I would let her down again. She caught me today. She has no faith in me as I don't either. I continued to break her trust. Other than that, I am a great husband, father and grandfather. I am at my wits end. Even If I manage to quit, she may never believe it again. 

Imagine someone trying to quit that doesn't even smoke on a regular basis. It is almost as if my trigger is a deire to have a part of my life be a secret to all. I have kept this a secret, as my wife and my three sons and daughter are the only ones who know I have a problem, I am seeing my doctor on Monday and asking him to put me on something that has no nicotine in it. I tried chantix once and it made me crazy. My wife is afraid I will get cancer someday also. this has got to stop. Maybe I will also call 800-quit-now. Something's gotta give, and as melodramtic as this may sound, I am slowing losing the will to live in this condition. I just want it all to go away. SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE!!!

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