Hi everyone,
Well it looks like life has finally caught up with me and is currently throwing all the stress it can at me. I won't go into long, boring details but I was tempted yesterday, and I mean REALLY tempted, however I did resist thank goodness! The hard part was, although I really was craving because of the stress that wasn't the main reason I wanted to buy a pack, it was because I was in the mindset of "Who cares if I shorten my life, things are so crap right now it might be better to just smoke my way into an early grave anyway". I'm not going to turn this into a melodramatic 'woe is me' type blog, because I know there are so many people dealing with much worse than I will probably ever have to deal with, but I'm just having a rough time at the moment is all. I just feel quite out of control and I don't know how to get back where I was. I know I haven't gained that much weight, nobody but me can even tell, and I'm keeping up with my workouts (perhaps not as much as I should, but at least I haven't given up completely) and trying to stay social and up beat but I just don't seem to be able to shake this mindset of "what's the point?" and I hate it! I guess maybe I'm just feeling lonely and needing to vent to someone, I don't know. The point is, I didn't smoke over it and I'm not going to, no matter what happens I am making this a public declaration that I will not put a cigarette anywhere near my face and hopefully that will strengthen my resolve.
Thank you to those that have supported me and have continued reading this far, I hope I haven't depressed you!
36 DOF and counting!
