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Share your quitting journey

I Need Something More

Terri103
Member
3 21 27

Hello All My Ex Friends,

I am still struggling.  I am treading water, I am white knuckling it.  I know I am in No Man's Land...but I am supposed to be almost to the other side!  I have tried to figure out what might be going on that is making it so difficult right now.  Did I lose or misplace one of my quit tools?  Did I fail to acquire a much needed new tool.  I just know that I need something more to kept stacking my days, to keep moving forward.  I am not having craves, this is way beyond.  When I posted my Help blog on Friday, I thought maybe that was Nic trying a last valiant effort,  but the whole thing came back yesterday.  I shared with someone else, this is not a whisper in my ear, this is a deep gutteral You Must Smoke from some god like source.  So last night, I actually put my shoes on, grabbed my wallet and keys and drove to the gas station.  I sat there for a while.  I went in.  Then I went back to the car, sat, and then finally drove home.  I was that close.  Oh, and I had a bunch of change in  my pocket in case I could fight off buying a pack and just would buy a couple off of someone.  I am certain that if there is a next time, I won't leave empty handed.  

I don't want to smoke.  I want to keep adding days.  I just don't understand why I am being bombarded with the obsessive powerful thought, now after all this time.  I won't smoke.  I can't smoke.  But I need help to make my head shut up.  Basically I just feel I am off my game.  I want to be done with this and be a happy quitter, sharing amazing and powerful blogs everyday.  I have had my turn getting answers and support.  I should be done with all this and be one offering suggestions.  

So, how do I get out of this relentless cycle that my addiction is putting me through?  I need to end this misery.  I have every intention to keep this quit, to start Rocking it again!  I can do it.  just tell me what tool(s) I may be missing!  

thanks!!

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