I tried to quit smoking so many times before. I was/am (not sure about the appropriate tense!) a smoker for 20 years. The longest I've ever gone without smoking is about 4 months. Last week I tried to get through one day, and I couldn't do it. Tried the next day...and again couldn't do it. My brain blacks out, and I think that the only thing that will bring me back to normal - or "who I really am" is a cigarette. I really wish that I was one of those lucky people who could smoke just here and there, or even just in the evenings. But I can't help myself, partially because I think that I am more psychologically addicted than physically addicted. I've been smoking more and more as I get older. I stopped smoking about 18 hours ago. What's different this time? (1) I am taking nicotine losages, which are kind of gross, but have helped A LOT; (2) I learned (I think) how to calm myself at least a little bit through meditation. So here's hoping!
