I deal with don't matter and don't count anyway. And I also have a bad boss. I was forgotten, not included in a small group lunch that my absence was not even noticed today. I feel very hurt and just reminded that I don't mean anything.
I want to smoke. Only because it soothes me. I know it won't fix anything. I'm just asking because so what. I start again at day one. But in meantime I am self soothed. So seriously what is one day except for starting the recount. I don't matter. I don't count. And I have to care for myself. I am supposed to be true to myself.
I hurt very bad and I have once again told you all how weak I am and that I can't be good for anyone else let alone me.