Early in my quit, I remember someone here openly relapsing, and I had thought to myself, "If that is my inevitable fate, too, then just give me the cigarettes NOW and let’s be done with it!"
That was very early in my quit, before time and experience allowed me to embrace the concept that, when faced with the exact same stressors, I was now both willing to and training to react in other ways. I’m still open to new relapse prevention strategies, even to this day, and I'm coming to believe in these skill sets as a new way of living.
A few extra thoughts...
If I were to be blindside today by something horrible, I would not run out and get drunk. Why? Because I am not an alcoholic, and booze is not my drug. It does not occur to me to drown my anger with hard liquor or wine, because that was never my pattern or addiction. The idea of getting stressed out and getting drunk, to me, is quite foreign and weird.
No, I am a nicotine- and cigarette-addict. I was for 28 years. Sadly, because of that incessant repetition, I am hardwired now to automatically and reflexively “jump” at a pack of menthol cigarettes in times of stress. That is the heartbreaking thing I have done to myself, and I am not proud of it. But, it's my reality. So, I must deal with my truths, manage the realities of my recovery, accept my progress as genuine and bankable, and embrace the promise that this process leads to the way out of the tunnel.
What's my advice for you, new quitter? Get stronger than your past. That’s it. That’s all we ask anyone to do. You don’t have to be stronger far beyond the actual number of days you‘ve earned on your clock. No, you only have to get stronger and smarter than the person you were yesterday. And then, with a few victories under your belt, you must choose to want your new life more than your past mistakes. And, above all else, you’ll need to eventually accept that craving a smoke may be your habitual reflex, but it is no longer your active choice or real-life option.
STORM: 514
(This was a comment that I posted for JACKIE back in May. I reworked it a bit to turn it into this blog.)
