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Share your quitting journey

I NEED TO SCREAM !!!!

smorgy8513
Member
1 24 5
‎07-06-2015 08:46 AM

I was 18 years old before I even tried a puff of a cigarette!     I had thought "I sure don't want to be smelly and stuck like mom and dad are".       But the peer pressure when I would go to parties was too much.     So, I smoked at parties.       A pack would last me forever!     

Pretty soon the pack would only last a week, then it was 2 packs a week and so on, and so on until at some point I was smoking 2 packs per DAY.        My life revolved around when/how/where to smoke.      Many years ago a person could smoke anywhere.      I think it was harder for a non-smoker to find a smoke free spot then it is now for a smoker to find a place they can smoke.

I got where I hated the smoking.        I smelled, my clothes smelled.

OH, I tried to quit....but my willpower was not strong enough to have it last more than a couple of days.     I didn't understand how others could quit when I couldn't.     "Sharon, you are just weak!"   is what I would tell myself.      Even if I went a couple of months (whoop dee doo!) it didn't last.

In June, 2013 I came here (had been here in 2009 but didn't stay) and decided I would do this.    I set my date for the next day (after all I was "ready") and admin said "no,  wait...learn more about the addiction...do the steps".      I didn't think I needed to but I gave in and did the reading, the steps, the tracking.     OH, I read and read on the blogs.     Loved hearing how happy people were in their quit....but there was a part of me that really believed I couldn't/wouldn't do it.

Then 1 day.     A word came up....it got stuck in my head and I began to believe it!

I had a choice......yup, a choice!     I was an addict (that part had got to me a few days earlier) AND I had a choice to continue with my smoking OR I could do the work and believe in this group and I could make a CHOICE to not smoke!        (Please see and read Giulia's blog from yesterday!)

So, now......here I am.......

Celebrating 700 DAYS OF FREEDOM!

Yes ME!!!

And I'm happy, I'm convicted and dedicated in my Quit.

I want you to believe this is possible for YOU!

So celebrate with me please.

And love to all of you that have helped me get to today!

Sharon

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24 Comments
About the Author
Gone but Not Forgotten. RIP I've thought so many times about quitting, done a few quits with the longest being 9 months. Blamed that relapse on my sister because she broke her hip. This time I feel different 8/5/13:The first day of my forever quit. About me? Well, I'm old enough that I am going to semi-retire (work 2 days per week) starting in October, 2013. I have 2 grown sons, 2 older sisters, 2 cats. I'm passionate about my work, love mystery books. I give all the glory for my work, any successes I may have to God and prayer. I have a lot of people praying for me right now and that is where I feel the strength. I also am finding strength, information and support from this site. I hope I can offer some of that to others when I get past the newbie stage. 9/4/13 30 days today!! I've learned so much since I've been coming here each morning (and sometimes at night). Words: choose, not try-----decision----not giving anything up, but gaining---I'm worth so much more than a cigarette. These are only a few of the pearls of wisdom that I've taken to heart. So many great people. I learn something each and every time I come on here. I'm learning about myself too. I teach clients everyday that feelings are feelings and ok to have, but I've always fought that concept myself. I heard when I was little "what have you got to cry about?" so I learned not to cry. If anger was shown it meant going back and shutting the door 10 times quietly or maybe getting the wrath of my parent. So, I learned not to cry, not to feel anger. I'm learning now that I have those feelings and that smoking pushed them aside and down. They are there and real. Now I'm trying to learn how to show and express them instead of going off by myself for a smoke. I have supporters. The biggest pride is what I feel in myself. With each day I wake up I can say "Today is day ____" and I feel proud. Not the kind of pride like I could never fail. That is a realization and why I need to be aware and conscious each moment. No, smoking doesn't solve anything. And today I am proof that I can go on without the crutch of a cigarette! 8/5/17 4 Years Quit!!! Who would have "thunk" it? I never took responsibility for my relapses, always blamed whatever it was that occurred. So, when I quit on 8/5/13 I knew I REALLY wanted it to work, knew that I needed as much support as I could get but I think deep down I was afraid this one wouldn't take either. So, I did as much positive as I could: Chantix, prayer, atomic fire balls, telling friends AND coming to the EX many times throughout the day. The people here became my friends as well as my family. I could share when I was struggling and get encouragement. Have there been struggles in my life since then that would have "caused" me to smoke in the past? Of course! Life goes on and troubles happen even when you don't smoke. I lost my sister who was also my best friend, my diagnosis of lung cancer and the treatment that has gone on since then (dr tells me "not curable, but treatable"). Would smoking make any of those things better? OF COURSE NOT! But when you're an addict the brain tells tons of lies to you..... Newbies: use the resources that the EX provides to you and you will have major milestones too. I thank my family here and love each and every one of you that have helped me! Too many names to mention.