was eXtraordinary! (cheesy, I know, but I had to)
Okay, first of all, I hope you are all well. I missed reading and posting to my comrades here! I trust you all had a lovely Memorial Day. The weather in upstate NY was quite nice for a change. One month ago it snowed here; I still have to put away my winter coat and boots! And only 35 days ago I was a smoker, puffing my life away. It is amazing how much the weather can change in a month, and how much that change has been reflected in my life. I was in a nasty cycle of self-loathing and self-harm, every day smoking and every day hating it and me. Hating the cigarettes for controlling my life and hating me for letting the cigarettes control my life. Until I didn’t. Until I said, no. I AM DONE. Best decision I have ever made for me. Thank you all for helping get here.
My first holiday without smoking or nicotine went well. I thought of smoking while a friend was at my house and lit up a cigarette right where I used to do that. I thought, “mmm I remember that smell” when she lit her cigarette, and then I thought “If I smoke one puff, just one puff, I will be smoking for the rest of my life. Screw that. I don’t do that anymore.” And that was the end of that. She smoked the rest of the night, and even though we were drinking, I had already addressed my thoughts of smoking. I was not going to smoke. I made a choice. I felt strengthened in my choice because I was not afraid when I initially had thoughts about smoking. I knew that thinking about smoking was not the same as actually smoking. I learned from all of you that thinking about smoking is not bad; it can actually be very helpful if you bluntly address your thoughts and leave all of the romance in the bedroom(winkwink). That is what I did. It worked out beautifully. I have heard a lot of caution against drinking with a new quit. I can understand why. It was different to be slightly buzzed and be faced with smoking. But I knew that I would protect my quit. I made a choice, and I am a stubborn gal. My husband, a never smoker, is veryyy supportive and agreed to turn the hose on me should I get too close to a cigarette 😄 Thankfully, that was not necessary, thanks again to this wonderful community. You are all in my thoughts at just the right times, helping me stay the course. You all rock!
