Yes – and it started; I know the drill. I know it from before. The difference is in my last attempt I had the help of 20 bottles of wine, 30 grams of marijuana and a guy that could almost fuck me worth something; o and last but not least around eight thousand pages of sweet George Martin novel. And now I have none of that.
I do have the sea, I can go to for a couple of hours each day; summers upon us and I will fry! I do have ten sessions of paddle boarding booked. But the most difficult challenge of mine now is that I’m alone. I’m so alone and I feel it. None of my friends are here and I don’t know anybody here, the closest person I can run to lives across the sea! Maybe its for the best; prevents anybody from getting murdered.
O yes it has started; the heavy body, the numb, dumb head, murderess looks, murderess thoughts, moments of self pity. Urge to break down and cry. That can’t be just the withdrawal; those are the holes that have always been covered by the stick. And now they’re surfacing and soon exposed.
I might be a drama queen or not; I do know that I have a sensitive body, one that becomes aware of the slightest changes and reacts to it. Its an imbalance I think. It might be out of weakness. I react poorly to bad smells, bad sound, bad motions, people’s ups and downs, you name it, it moves me. The last time nicotine was leaving my body I made jokes and compared it to hard drug addicts. At least now I’m at sea level and I get to sleep. I hope the insomnia doesn’t kick in. I wouldn’t know what to do with that! I’d need a man! but I still haven’t had a descent meal. Except for salad. I can always have salad, and avocado, and sour dressings and fresh feelings. I think half the reason I’ve slept so much is a lack of a descent meal and too much sun on my head. No iron, no protein. I’m being a sissi; I’ll live. I need to whine nonetheless ;D
A quiet screen is always best to whine to rather than those who have lives and a brain and judgment.
So this is the place; and I can’t finish my food. Rather just go home and watch some random shit, which requires no brains.
