This is all I can do right now. Til' We Meet Again. I am posting this because...I have been lifted up on wings of love and encouraged to do so. Would re-write it, but am not up to doing that again... I miss you all, love you all and will return as soon as I am able... this letter came about because G reached out to me with her amazing song video. And wrapped her arms and heart around me. What a precious woman...all of you, and you know who you are, are never out of my mind or heart.....This is pretty raw and emotional, so a warning to you who want to read it.
You make me cry like a baby. God I miss you. I haven't been around for many reasons. I haven't been able to function mentally or emotionally. I lost my quit 2 weeks before my one year anniversary. My Mother died in my arms and I stayed to help my Stepdad, 94 yo, with vascular dementia. Was going to bring him back to Oregon with me, and place him in a Retirement/Assistant home 2 blocks from me. Sent him ahead of me while I wrapped things up in Ariz. He was going to stay with my brother til' I got here. My brother has alcohol dementia. Together they came up with suing me for Elder Abuse, stating I kept him drugged so he would do what I told him to do. Not worried about court, just felt my heart fire go down to a smolder. I have enough documentation from Dr's, Hospice, and the State of Ariz., it just took the last part of a will to live out of me. Was a bit suicidal, but know that I would NEVER go there. That is only a fraction of all that transpired in the stretch of 4 months. To Hell and Back it was. Coming around though, now I'm getting angry, and cannot let someone else's sickness harm me anymore, I am ready to stand up and fight. I lurk on Ex, and cry a lot while I'm there. If the next Ex get together is in Oregon, I will be there. I am ready to quit again very soon,but am so ashamed to go back to Ex. I am starting one on one counseling, and have managed to get this far in my healing without psychiatric drugs, and want to keep it that way. I'm doing waaaaayyyy better, but have a ways to go to build up my fire again, and I know getting rid of the nicotine will help. This email from you has encouraged me to be brave enough to go back to Ex when I'm ready. It will be soon Tennessee Toots. You may copy and post this if you like on Ex, and I send my love, but cannot log in yet, my Spirit isn't ready, but will continue to lurk daily. I love you so very much, you know my Creator sent you with cyber wings to me today.
Owl
