This quit is about not wanting to be a slave to something that has never done me any good except a d3cent buzz the first time I smoked 21 years ago. And my bp and hr havent been great. However, in the past my quits have focused around sex issues with my wife and in general, namely ed, which certwinly smoking and side effects of smoking exacerbate.
Fortunately, with some healthy boundries, medication there is a greatly diminished chance of issues and wehave proactively done all we can.
The point is, this is my obsession, the one thing I cant let go of. The what ifs... so if its not sex it could be money. I.e. I made money in the market but I might have lost everything but even though everything stillmworked out ok im a piece of shit. Catastrophizing and all, or nothing thinking. False beliefsor beliefs with no proof... there might be an issue so there will be an issue.
Ive used in the past to diminish or forget theanxiety of my main triggers. Fear of loss of my marriage and feelings of inadequacy. I might point out here that using never really made me forget lr fix the problem it just changed my chemicals for a minute. I just feel that without using, while being on the patch, its made these what ifs of the future or what ifs of the past much more visceral. At the very least im having to deal with them today. I feel like my frontal lobe has been on fire.
So what am I todo now? I dont use anymore so how am I supposed to deal with feelings, irrational fears thar rational proof doesnt seem to squelch? TRUST GOD, TRY TO DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING, AND BE GENTLE ON MYSELF. Im going thru a lot of changes right now and its not suprising that I feel crazy as another addictive crutch has been taken away.
