Sometimes it's hard to tell where I fit in and after so much deliberation on the many things that weigh heavily on my mind I look at where I was and am and begin to cry.
It's not that I expect EVERYONE to reply to just me and my blogs, I was just kinda hoping for more encouragement and thoughts on what I could do to handle myself better because I was in a very scary place and was reaching out to my ex family only to find 3 of you responded. I needed friendship and I probably should have asked for that instead.
I am so depressed, still don't have any medical insurance, I have had cabin fever only getting out of the house about once a week, if that, and one was a date night (FINALLY!!! first one in over 3 years) and to my husbands work where I sit in a chair and watch him weld or hammer metal for hours in a cold garage or I just sit and read, (I could do the reading at home after everyone is in bed) or we go to get milk. Also, my mother has given ALL the Power of Attorney authority over to my uncle and basically tied my hands and now I am unable to help her and fear she is going to die because he refuses to see the bigger picture!!!
So, that smoke dream did NOT help in the least. I am not looking to be swamped with comments or people feeling sorry for me, I do just fine on my own.
I am just seeking a little friendship and guidance while I am struggling, I didn't feel everyone wanted or needed all my drama as they have their own problems to contend with. They certainly didn't need mine too.
I have looked into things I can do around here as a hobby or distraction is concerned an I would need my vehicle as everything is over 25+minutes away and with not having my truck inspected (could take a bus but then I'd need a babysitter) it's damn near impossible to make it happen. I'm doing my husbands chores and daughters chores and am caring for the baby from the time my husband walks out the door until it's time for bed, and I sleep until 10:30-11 a.m. because the only me time I find is between 11:30p.m. to 3 a.m. playing games trying to shut off my brain or cry myself to sleep if I sleep at all. I hate insomnia!!
Now my teenager wants to go overseas on a summer trip with her school, I don't even trust her walking to the convienence store alone letalonme Tokyo, London, Paris!!!
To be honest I am having a real difficult time and don't want to burden all of you more than I have with this blog! So take care of yourselves and I'll figure something out. I can't go on feeling this way and that's all I know is certain right now.
