I have made it one month! Every smoke free day heals my heart a little more. I am repairing the damage I have caused, and I am doing it for me. I am rebuilding the foundation I will support the rest of my future with. As with any kind of rebuilding, it looks a little messy at first. Walls ripped out, planks of wood showing, powder all over the floor. But with time and effort (and a lot of loud noises), everything is put back into place and even better than before (There is work being done at my house right now, hence this reference)
I feel strong in this quit. I have no reasons to start again, and my brain has finally caught on. After thinking back to last quit attempts, I realized that even though I had quit, I was still addicted to thinking about cigarettes. The best thing I've done for myself is take myself out of my mind and focus on other things instead. Like reading. I can't stop, but it's definitely a healthy addiction. And I'm finally getting around to all the classics I refused to read in high school. Feel free to add any book recommendations!
Something that has been different in this quit is that I don't get angry when I see other smokers. Seeing them makes me grateful, that I don't have to smell like them. That I can learn how to focus my breathing on my own without the help of fire. That I don't have to abandon my non-smoker friends to find an exit, or even worse, take them with me. My entire time smoking, I always had one foot out the door everywhere I was. I had to feed the monster outside. He was always hungry, and very persistant. Now I can shop at a mall for three hours at a time without an ounce of anxiety.
I will continue to build this quit, one day at a time. Rome wasn't build in a day, and neither is freedom.
