A year ago today, I was laying in bed wheezing, coughing, thinking that this might just be "it." My doctor wanted to admit me to the hospital, to the ICU to be accurate. I said no, as a retired RN, I felt like the only things they could do for me were to give me IV liquids and I was perfectly capable of consuming gallons of liquids by mouth, OR, they could put me on a ventilator and I long ago made a promise to myself that if that day ever came, it was time to leave.
It's been quite a year. I had not planned to return to work because I was planning to have shoulder surgery and then I found out that the partial dentures I needed were going to cost over $1500 and my supplemental insurance plan was $135...I needed to make $300 a month more than what I was making on disability JUST to be able to make it from one month to the next. Back to work I went, just for two days a week because I am not able to work any more than that, physically.
On November 19th, my ten month anniversary, I received a phone call at work at 3:27PM from my husband saying that the house was on fire. I could not comprehend what that meant and I said I was at work and I continued to check students out who were waiting in line. I work as a cashier in a cafe at a Law School. My boss heard me and asked what was wrong and I told her, she offered to drive me home. I agreed and started to walk out of the building and realized I had dropped my phone so I went back to get it. When we walked outside, I could smell the smoke, I could hear the fire trucks and I nearly dropped...we got to the corner of my street and the firemen said we could not drive up the hill, they would let us park and walk because I was the owner. I told them that I could NOT walk up the hill, that I have emphysema and the smoke was so thick that there was NO WAY. They finally allowed us to drive partway and made me stay two houses down the street from the house which was completely engulfed in flames. I sat in horror watching my home burn and knowing that my precious cats were inside. We lost everything, the house, the cats, our history, the history of our children. I knew that day that I would never be the same. My heart did not break, it shattered.
My EX friends here came to my aide immediately donating to PayPal to help us get some things to hold us over. I was in my work clothes for four days with nothing to change into.
I did NOT smoke over it. On my 11th month anniversary, I had a horrible argument with my son and I was completely crushed. I did not think I would ever be able to forgive him but, on Christmas Day, I embraced him, wished him a Merry Christmas and told him I loved him. My youngest daughter arrived here on Christmas Eve and I did not expect her until the end of December. She had been teaching in South Korea.
We are living in a two bedroom apartment and trying to make visits to the house to see if there is ANYTHING that we can salvage, it becomes more evident every time we go that it is time to let most of what is in there go. There is a feral cat who lives out back and my husband goes and feeds him twice a day, every day.
We will rebuild if it is possible, the insurance company has to let us know when they will settle. We still owed on the house but the insurance should cover a small, one story home. It's all two people in their 60's need. I will be looking for cats at some point but I am not ready yet, I think I want my own home first.
If I can get through this and whatever else has happened over the past year, ANY ONE CAN DO THIS! It is one day at a time and there really comes a time when saying "I don't do that any more" becomes your reality.
I love each and every one of you, the newbies, those in between, and the elders. I thank you with all my heart for helping me along...okay Jaxson1 (Ang) OPEN THAT DOOR to the 6% Club...I am comin' on in!
