From the smoking point of view, I made it another day.
My boss left her present under the tree. She has dismayed our entire department and all those in the building that are aware of the situation. There were many discussions today about how rude and disrespectful she was to those that tried to do something nice for her. A very active Christain on our team wanted to take it out in the parking lot and run it over. We have heard that she was uncomfortable receiving a gift from us. REALLY??? Uncomfortable receiving a symbol of kindness? Then she pulled my coworkers behind closed doors and spoke ill of me. Unfortunately, you can hear through the walls so I heard her. What a nightmare of a job I have right now. I really need to find a new job. These events cause my heart to ache and I hate that feeling. I typically don't drink, but I did have 2 glasses of wine and a nap when I got home. This is how I coped with the ache this time - I used to smoke. After the nap, I was able to get my head together.
On an high note, a retired executive came by the office today to wish us a very Merry Christmas. He came to give me a hug and I hugged him with NO reservations! I did not hesitate thinking I might smell bad! It was wonderful He had great things to say to me - hang in there, the company needs you, you have been here a long time....Great comments that make one feel valued. At this point in my career - I'm a compliment junkie and I never get enough sincere comments.
I point blank asked my husband if he wanted me to keep smoking. He said no, that he had been on edge also. Great - fine time for him to be on edge! Oh well. I printed the letter from the post on my blog yesterday and gave it to him. Things are a little better tonight.
I'm starting to look forward and prepare mentally for the upcoming holidays. On Christmas Day, I will be smoke free for 3 weeks. My youngest daughter will be home on Friday and my oldest and her family will be home Christmas Eve. I suspect New Years will be very quiet, with both kids having left for their other homes. This works for me - I see it as being able to do exactly what I want and not conform to the popular party scene. I will be seeing my parents, brother and sister as well as my Mom's sisters and their kids, grandkids, great grandkids....this weekend. I have not told my parents, brother, sister that I was quitting. None of them have ever smoked and I tried not to smoke in front of them. I know they would be supportive, but I couldn't face them if I failed. The added stress would keep my anxiety up and cause my rebellious side to rear its ugly head. My daughters know and they keep saying they are proud of me. I have not spoke of not smoking at work and no one has mentioned it to me. You are my support team! Thank you!!!!!
