Day 7. Made it through what has been the hardest night for me thus far. A night of cramping and twitching and insomnia that I thought I wouldn't experience since I had gone through the first few days without those symptoms. Detox is strange and I suppose my body has many "memories" and will periodically freak out because I'm not giving into the fix and injecting poison. Phew - happy to feel clear and calm now as I type this.
I'm actually at JFK right now on my way to CA for the holidays. Feel scared and excited to land without cigs but I am SO very lucky and grateful. I won't have to try to sneak one before catching a cab home. I won't have to rack my brain trying to see where and how I can sneak one after getting home -- since there always was a strategy around smoking in order to "not get caught." I realize this practice and ritual of "sneaking around" and "secrets" is very connected to self-loathing,f ear and shame, I feel really glad to be connected right now to all the feeling that are emerging. I feel like being compassionate! I feel like being nice to myself. That is a shift, and that is gift, and every time I reward myself with NOT smoking I love myself a little more and am also available to share more love with the world and all of you. Happy Thursday and thanks for your participation and support! Hope it's a sunny, beautiful day wherever you are in your quit.
