Well it is Wednesday the 19th of Novemeber and I have 448 days of smoke free living. As I continue on in my life I can safely say my life has changed for the good in so many ways but I want to share with you something this morning which to me is far more important than how many days into my quit I have. Sure my EGO would love to hear how happy you are for me but that part of me needs to be surpressed more.
This morning at 6:58 AM I walked over to a small store that is close by just to get a cup of coffee and talk with a friend who works there. It's very cold outside, 42 is the temp. (I know some of you are saying "What that is like a heat wave", but trust me it is cold to us down here in Florida. Anyway back to my experience; I walked into the store and my friend and I said our Hellos. Went to the coffee machine and then went to the counter to pay. While laughing and talking with her someone walked into the store but I didn't pay any attention to them. It wasn't until they walked up beside me and said "Hi Sunshine! How are you?" that I turned around and look at them. There was my Ex Husband who was sentenced to 4 years in jail for his attack on me and holding me hostage. I look straight at him and at first I couldn't say anything! He broke the ice by saying "I still love you and I am so sorry what happened. Do you forgive me?". I took a deep breath and said "Of course I forgive you, can you forgive me for being so stupid to fall in love with you?" He looked confused and I turned away and walked out of the store and walked home.
At home I was just a mess and started crying. I opened the book that I got yesterday and here is what I read.
Forgiveness is my salvation from pain. If I believe in the reality of what "you did to me," then I will feel as though the consequences of what you did to me are real. By "overlooking," I will "overcome."
My prayer for the day is:
Somethng loveless might have occurred in my life, and of course I have to process my feelings... but I don't have to indulge them. I need to honor my feelings... but I don't have to spew them. By standing on the spiritual truth that only love is real, I develop the ability to endure the gap in time between the pain of someone having hurt me, and the miracle of my release from suffering. In time, as forgiveness becomes my way of life, the gap itself will no longer exist.
Quote from A Year of MIracles.
I needed to forgive myself because I had long ago forgiven him.
Keep on adding those smoke free days cause you are worth it.
XOXO
Note: TU for all your wonderful comments--please excuse me for not responding to each and everone. I am still crying--No not tears of sadness but tears of joy because I no longer feel like I was a victum. LOVE YA!
