Well we jumped through some hoops yesterday and today, putting paperwork and bank statements together and making sure Mama was being taken care of too. Paper work will bury you.
So Hospice House ....brand new, just opened. They gave us a discount of 191.25 a day. Needless to say, we will keep Mama at home.
Instead of a Hospice nurse twice a week, she will come more often. Instead of a Nurses Aid twice a week for Mom's bed bath, (she is now bedbound), she will come for 1 hour a day, 5 days a week.to help with turning her and cleaning the catheter and surrounding area. They moved us up to bedbound care. I will take whatever help I can get and be so very grateful for it.
She can't feel her feet being tapped or tickled. That is why she can't bear weight on her legs anymore, she can't feel them there. Part of the result of the brain cells dying off. Most the time now I have to spoon feed her, she can't coordinate her arms and hands. Sometimes she drinks deeply of water but there is no cup in her hand.
Once I woke her gently because it was time for lunch and she stared at me and then the ceiling for a few minutes with eyes wide and full of terror. Hard thing to look at . I just kept whispering to her that it is o.k., she is safe, until she recognized where she was, then was very quiet for a very long time.
So. Smoking? Honestly and I do intend to be honest, I do think about it. But I won't do it, because as I have stated before, I know the lies a person can tell themselves about addiction. And call it something outside themselves, like Nicodemon or whatever they need to label it, but it is from within. All wrapped up in the brain cells that will always remember the feeling of the "fix". Education on this and any addiction is key to staying "clean". I know and remember all to well where that "fix" will take me. Not where I want to go. I have worked and worked and worked too damn hard for my Freedom.
I guess I have now re-grouped, and will get up in the morning grateful for one more day with my Mother.
Aho!
Owlfeather
whyquit.com
