Four hundred eighty-nine days, it seems kind of crazy. I remember day 1 thinking how in the world will I ever make it to no man's land, let alone past it? After some time I got really good at not thinking a cigarette was a solution to any kind of problem I was dealing with, I found other coping methods and smoking wasn't an option. In fact, I think about smoking more in my dreams than I ever do while I'm awake. Last night I had a dream, and mine always feel so real, but for some reason I was smoking an "occasional" cigarette, that lie we try to tell ourselves that we can have "just one", and deep down thinking, how is this possible?
I know that there is no such thing as "just one" and my subconscious after 489 days is still trying to convince me otherwise in my sleep.
Don't let that scare you, those of you who are on day 1, or day 10, or day 30, or those who haven't even started yet. I am not tempted. I am not miserable. In fact, every time I have a dream that I've relapsed, I'm miserable in the dream, it's terrifying to think that you've thrown away 489 days of freedom for something you have worked so hard to purge from your life. The dreams only serve to remind me why I started this journey in the first place.
The last time I posted a blog I had mentioned that my boyfriends father, brother, and 3 neices and nephews house caught on fire in the middle of the night. They are all doing fine, they have another house and all the furniture they need and have had many people donate clothes and other supplies to them. They also kept their dog, Roxy, and were able to salvage some other things from their old home as well.
In other news, it's much harder to find a job here in Florida than it was in Nebraska, haha. I have filled out 11 applications in the last week. Unfortunately my job history doesn't look the greatest to potential employers, I've pretty much had a job since I was 16 which is about the youngest you can be but since I'm 19 and most employers don't ask for your age as long as you're over 18, I could be 30 with only 3 years of work history. I've also moved a lot between moving for college, and then moving back to my hometown after getting a certificate in photography to spend time with my parents for 2 months before coming down to Florida, so the longest length of time I've held a single job is a little over a year and my last job lasted only 2 months (the two months I spent at home with my parents, though it was an employer I had worked for previously and he knew it was a temporary thing).
My favorite job I've ever had (and one of the lowest paying jobs) was KFC/Taco Bell. I worked there 3 times, returned willingly the second two times and was given my job back on the spot. I loved the people I worked with. I had no fancy benefits (besides the $10 gift certificate I got from the manager one Christmas for being one of his favorite 2 employees) and he couldn't pay me much over minimum wage but it was a close-knit family like environment. I loved my manager, supervisors and co-workers and I worked harder because the things I did for the company and the store didn't ever go unnoticed by my manager. He's the only one I'll ever really need for a reference, he'll always give me a fantastic one. I wish I could still work there but I didn't want to be stuck in Nebraska forever. Hopefully I can find another job here that I love. That job is the main reason I am open to applying anywhere and I don't just go for jobs that have benefits and pay more than minimum wage. I can get away without it and I might miss out on something I'd really love.
Anyways, here's a couple pictures taken here in Florida
