Good morning my dear family. I have been so busy that I have not even had time to think about a cigarette. Being asked to be a Deacon has given me a different outlook on life. God is calling me to be a moldable servant and that certainly does not include smoking. I feel different inside because I now have different goals and desire to clean myself of any undesireable actions in my life. No one on earth is sinless as we are human but at least I will try.
When I went to the funeral of a church member Saturday I could smell the smoke of cigarettes coming from the back of the church. It actually made me sick to my stomach. When they came in, I could still smell it on them. My desire for a smoke is gone and I just hope that I can encourage others to quit.
After Sunday School and church , I had to rush home and change clothes and meet my grandaughter at the gym. I hadn't seen her in about 6 months as she lives in North Carolina. She recently broke off her engagement one month before the date and really needed someone to talk to. We worked out and went out for a nice dinner. With her mother,, my daughter who is in Heaven, she needed someone to talk to. We went out to a nice steak dinner and she poured out her soul. I was in some ways going through the same thing as her so I could empathise with her. She was so proud of me bing voted in as a Deacon. I think it gave her the extra push to bare her soul. We parted with tears in our eyes but at the same time I feel like we bonded as never before.
Last night out of no where I had a smoking nightmare. Some one left a pack of Marlboro Rd who was visiting me and I picked it up and smoked one. Before I went back to bed, I smoked several. Then I woke up and thank God it was a dream. I could not imagine loosing my quit now. I have gone too far and worked too hard to start over.
I have another appointment with the neurosurgeon this afternoon to see if he is gonna do another nerve block or say that is it, I can do nothing more more you. Please pray he will try once more. I just know God will lay His healing hand upon this next time.
Have a great day and God bless
Carolyn and Cookie
