I've been noodling this blog for awhile so here goes ... You know how you read, hear and study things until you're sure you certainly understand them? But then you realize you hadn't really taken it in and made it your own? I've had that happen with for instance, Bible Studies. It's always a wonderful feeling when something really clicks in your heart and then you can "apply" it. I've found the same thing is true here in learning about this addiction and relearning life without smoking. At first I fought and fought and felt resentful and was just miserable. Even tho intellectually i agreed wholeheartedly with all the principles and I was trying to walk the talk. Still in the back of my mind somewhere there was this place reserved for being able to smoke again. It was like I was just in an extended period of putting it off but I knew eventually it was going to happen. Or I should say I wasn't ready to give up the notion that I could smoke sometime again if I really wanted to. Well of course we can all smoke again if we want. It is a choice. But that does not change any FACTS. And these are some of the FACTS I've learned: Nicotine is a drug. I am addicted to this drug. One puff from a cigarette will administer that drug and will reignite my addiction. I will very likely continue to smoke and even return to previous levels. It will make me dizzy, nauseous, give me a headache, burn my throat until I get used to it again. And when/if i try to quit I WILL experience withdrawal again. You cannot change how your brain chemistry works by wishing. A cigarette is nothing but a bunch of poison wrapped in paper. Gee there must be some good use for nicotine (oh yeah insecticide!) and formaldehyde (oh yeah embalming) to name just a couple of the wondrous compounds in our smokes. I sometimes sit in sad awe of the fact that cigarettes are still even sold for human consumption. That we are even allowed to ingest such things. Would the Government let our food be laced with these chemicals? My goodness no if you can't have fat, sugar and salt!!! Smoking IS or WILL - if not done so already - seriously damage my health. At the very least making it more difficult to breathe well. Who wants trouble breathing? These are just some of the FACTS that DO NOT CHANGE no matter how bad I would like to have a cigarette. They don't change because I wish cigarettes were not harmful. They don't change because I have a stressful event in my life, have something to celebrate or my beloved friend, family member or pet dies. Sadly no excuses will change the facts of the poison we put in our bodies by smoking. This is the realization I had to ACCEPT and finally be WILLING (as Dale says) to go through the temporary discomfort to break the addictions hold on me. This willingness is something I didn't quite get until I decided I didn't want to willingly continue poisoning myself. I mean we joke and say alcohol is "poison" and I understand that but my goodness a cigarette really really is nothing but poison. I keep thinking of that cartoon where the person is inhaling from a car exhaust pipe! Ugh!!! Yes the FACTS don't change just because "I want a cigarette"! When I was a kid and would throw a fit and say I wanted something. My Dad would laugh and say "People in Hell want ice water!" Yup that's about how it was, me wishing my little pals weren't poison. So we can wish and want and keep smoking if we choose but it won't change the hideous truth. I decided I had to face the truth and the facts which means quitting smoking for good forever. And keep No little secret back room to save for a smoke. N.O.P.E. ❤ So help me! By prayer, one day at a time and support from EX!! 🙂
