I quit smoking two weeks ago. Using the holiday weekend to rid my body of nicotine, I told my family and friends that I would be unavailable for four days. I even took an extra day off from work to do this. Prior to quitting, I went to the grocery store and bought a ton of fruit and some candy. Previous quitting attempts had taught me that each time I went cold turkey, I craved fruit. I was prepared.
Armed with fruit and movies, I made it through the entire four days, barely leaving the house. Frankly, I was afraid to go out. I was afraid I’d buy a pack.
Then the work week happened. My brain found all kinds of reasons to smoke. The first day, I fought the urge, and I fought it hard. At the peak of battle, I stepped out of the office and walked over to the local tea shop. I bought a hot cup of green tea. This sort of helped. After work that day, I visited family. My parents smoke, and while they aren’t unsupportive, they have not chosen to quit at this point. I smoked one cigarette. After that, I had a break up with my then boyfriend, which happened via text. Smoked two more cigarettes. Three total that day. After the visit with my parents, I went to the gym and spent some time on the treadmill. I made it home without buying a pack.
Day six, the battle began at some point in the afternoon. I knew that a coworker smoked, and I knew that I would be visiting family again. I bummed a cigarette from the coworker toward the end of the workday. On the way home, I bought a pack, planning to leave it with my family for my next visit. I don’t recall how many I smoked that night, but I did make it to the gym. Again, in the way home, I passed a half dozen gas stations and liquor stores without stopping.
My resolve collapsed on the seventh day. The mental struggle that morning was brutal. I later described it as an epic, apocalyptic war going on in my head. It was like battling a hoard of demons. I lost.
Now, I’m back up to smoking my usual pack a day, but I’ve been plotting my next course of action. I found a Buddhist support group for people with addiction. I feel this could be very beneficial because it potentially, I could gain the support I need to quit as well as the mental resolve to continue the fight. I also decided to check out this web site. So, far, I’m finding it to be very informative and helpful.
My plan at this point is to continue using the site, to begin the support group, and to use nicotine gum to quit smoking. It’s a multi-faceted plan. What I’ve found is that beating this addiction is going to be a lot of work, especially in the beginning. I have been trying to quit smoking off and on for several years now. I think my biggest mistake has been underestimating this addiction.
