Not not smoking. I don't even remember if it crossed my mind yesterday, so it probably didn't.
But it was the one-year anniversary of Sammy's death, and it sucked. I actually could not believe how much it sucked.
I couldn't get the memories of his last 24 hours out of my head. They were horrible. I mean, even the memories of holding him because I knew I wouldn't be able to any more just...HURT.
So I left work early. I shouldn't have gone in. I thought it would distract me from the pain, but the pain distracted me from my work. Sucked. Suck-suck-SUCK-suck-sucked.
I miss him. Still quite a lot.