I've been told on several occasions that I don't "look" like a smoker or "I never would have guessed you smoke". I'm not sure what that means, but they often follow up with a question of why do I feel the need to smoke. Here's why:
1. I work six days a week delivering mail for a post office that is an hour from my house. The stress of working that much and not to mention the driving, oh the driving! How many of us just light up as soon as we get in the car? That's the hardest place for me to gain control.
2. I am a full-time student. That's right. As if working more than full-time wasn't enough, let's add school to that. Well, I'll be graduated in October FINALLY. Thank goodness because I can't handle much more of this! Luckily, I get to do it online, which is required for me with my crazy schedule. After sitting at the computer for a half hour or so, my mind starts to wander and I lose focus. Stepping outside for a smoke usually gives me that break and helps me refocus. (I've realized that going outside is acceptable without a cigarette too! And the air smells so lovely!)
3. I'm a mom. Enough said? Being a mom is definitely challenging. I have only one child, a seven year-old daughter. She is my world. All of this crazy that's in my life is because I want a better life for her. But there are times when I need a break and a cigarette is a great opportunity right? Yeah, it was. Until she started looking at me with those big doey eyes saying, "Mommy, I don't want you to die. Please don't smoke". Oh, Lord. What have I done!? I've done the same thing my dad did. Made her worry about whether I'm going to be alive a day, a month, a year from now. Then, of course, the added guilt makes the craving worse.
4. I'm in a relationship. My hubby is wonderful and we don't fight often, but when we do, a cigarette is a great escape. I often contemplate while having a cigarette. I think about many, many things. After this break, I can usually go in and apologize for my side of the argument and patch things up. But, by then, I'm not attractive to my non-smoking husband because I stink! When something as stupid as a cigarette affects your intimacy - you've got a problem. Finger pointed right at me.
All in all, I'm a pretty busy gal. In addition to the things listed above, I am an Amazon and eBay seller and have a large vegetable/fruit garden. One bonus to quitting smoking is that I have SO MUCH more time. I didn't realize how much time I spent smoking. I figure three minutes per cigarette. A pack a day... 3 x 20 = 60. SIXTY!? I'm spending an hour a day smoking? Oh my gosh, what I could do with an extra hour. Not to mention, I'm much more efficient at work without smoke breaks. I don't break my focus to have a cigarette and then have to regain it afterward.
I have been smoke-free for a week today! I am so proud of myself and so happy that I've made it this far. There's no turning back now. I've come too far!
Things That Help:
I find that if I listen to my favorite Christian radio station on my drive to and from work, I am focused on the program and not the lack of a cigarette in between my fingers. Plus, having God on my side...not a bad deal. I've started taking sleeping pills, mostly just Advil PM, to help me get to sleep without that one last cigarette. That one and the first one of the day are my hardest. I wake up in the morning, make my coffee and stop and look around. What do I do now? I don't go outside for my cigarette while I wait for the coffee to brew. Hmm. Since I wake up at 5 am, there's not much I can do outside at that hour, but I've found that it's a good chance to catch up on emails, fold laundry, or pick up in the kitchen.
This is the first time I've used a resource like this community to help me stay quit. I'm very excited and think that this extra step in my commitment may just make a world of difference. I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you and sharing stories and laughs along the way!
