Day 356 - Ownership and Hurt Feelings

[marilyn_marmac]

9 days from my 1 year mark and I look back and remember the beginning of my quit. There were some hard times. Minutes, hours, days, that brought tears, sadness, frustration, anger and, because I'm me, enough cuss words to put my local NAS sailors on full alert! Almost a year later, I STILL have a few days like that! Now, I don't want you to misunderstand me. When I say I still have days like that, I'm talking about the demon that jumps out of the corner, rears it ugly head and try's to convince me that I want a cigarette. There are days I swear I can taste and smell a cigarette. Days the damaged area of my brain tells me I'm under stress and a cigarette would really help me. Yes, I have those days! You know what I don't have? I DON'T have a fear of those feelings and I don't have a fear of giving in to the urges, no matter how strong or compelling they may be. Why? Because I took ownership of my quit. I KNOW this is MY quit! I am the ONLY person responsible for my quit, and "I" will not allow it! It doesn't matter who or what happens in my life, unless they tie me down and force me to inhale (Ha, good luck with that!), they can NOT make me smoke! If I should give in to the urge one day and smoke, it's all on me. No ones fault but my own. It's just that simple.

Can it happen? Damn skippy it can! All it takes is one moment of letting your guard down and giving in to the urges. For me, all it would take is 1 puff. Would I beat myself up. You bet. Not only would I beat myself up, I have a feeling that some of my "mild mannered" friends on EX would be hopping a plane for Florida just to help with that beating 😉 Yep, because they DO CARE, they would give me that beating and they would say a few harsh things. I also know those same people would pick me up, dust me off, give me hug and carry me on their shoulders until I was able to stand again. That's what real friends do. That's what people that really care about you do! If they didn't care, they would just give an uncaring "oh, to bad" and be on their merry way!!!

Now, I'm a strong willed woman and it's rare for someone to think of me as mild mannered. I've never followed the pack and don't plan on starting at this late stage of life. I'm as stubborn as they come and I also know that while I prefer to be funny and kind to those around me, I can be the meanest "B" you will ever cross swords with. It's who I am and I'll make no apologies for it. However, I can, and have, hurt peoples feelings without meaning to. I will apologize for that! So here is what I will tell you, if I write something that hurts your feelings, let me know. I'm blunt enough that I will tell you flat out if it was intentional. I will also apologize if it wasn't intentional. At the same time, I will remind you, just as I have to remind myself........

We are ALL different. We are all unique in personalities, feelings and quits. What works for me and my quit may not work for you and your quit. Some people need NRT's, others don't. One NRT may help one person and make another sick. Some people are able to put the cigarettes down and never look back or have another urge. Others may deal with urges for a long time. Someone may write a blog that makes all the difference in one persons quit while it only serves to piss another person off. That's life. Suck it up, buttercup because this isn't all about you and it sure as heck isn't all about me! This is an open forum of people trying to help each other. Write a strong political statement on FaceBook, Twitter, or any other public forum and see what happens.

We are unknown to each other. We cannot see the true emotions behind the words. It's easy for something we write to be misunderstood. Even punctuation, my worst, can change the way people read a blog. Writing "Let's eat Granpa!" may upset a few people when the person writing the blog was actually meaning to say "Lets eat, Granpa!"

Quitting is hard. It's an addiction. There will be strong emotions to deal with as your body protest your robbing it of the addictive poisons it wants. That is why there are hundreds of products, foundations and companies charging $$big bucks$$ to help people quit. Do you know what the people blogging on EX are paid? NOTHING! They aren't being paid for their time on this site. Each person, be it their 1st day or their 5th year, are on this site because they want to be. No one is forced or paid to stay. No one claims to be a trained professional, physiologists, psychiatrist or able to provide you with a magic potion that will cure the addiction. We are simply a group of unique, individuals trying to help each other the best we can. We may not always agree, we may hurt each others feelings at times but after a almost a year on this site, I am 100% certain, people are here with the intent of helping each other. The people on Ex take their valuable time to try and help others. It may not always work, but it's a hell of a lot better than doing nothing. And for all the new people, NEVER think or let ANYONE tell you shouldn't give advice! Some of THE best advice and words of wisdom come from the people that are closest to the pain of the quit. You keep right on blogging!

Yes, we have different quits and different personalities. That's what make this site strong. If you take the time to read, you will find the suggestions and blogs that are right for YOU'RE quit and you will find the ones that aren't right for you. If you really want to quit, you will. It may take you 1 time, it may take you 100 times of trying, but if YOU want it, YOU will make it happen.

To my kind, sweet friends on EX, I know this blog probably made you cringe 😞 Yes, I do know that I have been harsh and I do know that I may have hurt a few feelings. To anyone that feels my blog hit to close to home and hurt your feelings, I probably meant for it to.

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