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Share your quitting journey

Back to my normal (?) life

smorgy8513
Member
0 16 5
‎07-22-2014 08:17 AM

That was sarcasm in case you didn't recognize it!     In my many years of being on this earth one of the lessons that I learned is that there is no "normal".      So, when people say that now that my sister's Celebration of Life is over we can all get back to our "normal" lives.....I laugh (somewhat in disgust!).     I'm back at work today.    I will do some of the other routine things that are part of my life.     But life as I knew it will never the the same.          There will always be the hole where Mary used to call me and talk on the phone, where we did trips together, where we shared the secrets of being sisters and best friends, where we wrote "script" as we people watched.

Service yesterday was beautiful.    Music, prayers, rememberances.     Pastor joked about Mary and I "getting their praise on", I laughed as I looked at the slide show with a couple of my friends and shared stories of Mary.     A lot of hugs, some tears, some laughs.       And guess what?      I didn't break down during my reading......just a little choke up towards the end.

I did feel the love and hugs of my family here.    And I know that if you could have done those in "real life" you would have.

Thank you for all that you do for me.

Knowing that you are all encouraging and holding me accountable is what is getting me to The Door (you know the one....)

Sharon 351 DOF

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About the Author
Gone but Not Forgotten. RIP I've thought so many times about quitting, done a few quits with the longest being 9 months. Blamed that relapse on my sister because she broke her hip. This time I feel different 8/5/13:The first day of my forever quit. About me? Well, I'm old enough that I am going to semi-retire (work 2 days per week) starting in October, 2013. I have 2 grown sons, 2 older sisters, 2 cats. I'm passionate about my work, love mystery books. I give all the glory for my work, any successes I may have to God and prayer. I have a lot of people praying for me right now and that is where I feel the strength. I also am finding strength, information and support from this site. I hope I can offer some of that to others when I get past the newbie stage. 9/4/13 30 days today!! I've learned so much since I've been coming here each morning (and sometimes at night). Words: choose, not try-----decision----not giving anything up, but gaining---I'm worth so much more than a cigarette. These are only a few of the pearls of wisdom that I've taken to heart. So many great people. I learn something each and every time I come on here. I'm learning about myself too. I teach clients everyday that feelings are feelings and ok to have, but I've always fought that concept myself. I heard when I was little "what have you got to cry about?" so I learned not to cry. If anger was shown it meant going back and shutting the door 10 times quietly or maybe getting the wrath of my parent. So, I learned not to cry, not to feel anger. I'm learning now that I have those feelings and that smoking pushed them aside and down. They are there and real. Now I'm trying to learn how to show and express them instead of going off by myself for a smoke. I have supporters. The biggest pride is what I feel in myself. With each day I wake up I can say "Today is day ____" and I feel proud. Not the kind of pride like I could never fail. That is a realization and why I need to be aware and conscious each moment. No, smoking doesn't solve anything. And today I am proof that I can go on without the crutch of a cigarette! 8/5/17 4 Years Quit!!! Who would have "thunk" it? I never took responsibility for my relapses, always blamed whatever it was that occurred. So, when I quit on 8/5/13 I knew I REALLY wanted it to work, knew that I needed as much support as I could get but I think deep down I was afraid this one wouldn't take either. So, I did as much positive as I could: Chantix, prayer, atomic fire balls, telling friends AND coming to the EX many times throughout the day. The people here became my friends as well as my family. I could share when I was struggling and get encouragement. Have there been struggles in my life since then that would have "caused" me to smoke in the past? Of course! Life goes on and troubles happen even when you don't smoke. I lost my sister who was also my best friend, my diagnosis of lung cancer and the treatment that has gone on since then (dr tells me "not curable, but treatable"). Would smoking make any of those things better? OF COURSE NOT! But when you're an addict the brain tells tons of lies to you..... Newbies: use the resources that the EX provides to you and you will have major milestones too. I thank my family here and love each and every one of you that have helped me! Too many names to mention.