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Share your quitting journey

Day 17

cookie804
Member
0 15 17

Day 17 and thank God yesterday is over. For some reason out of the blue I started really craving a cigarette and was thinking just one wouldn't hurt me.  I stayed on here the rest of the day and prayed to God for his strength. It was like my mind was being taken over.  I still have an urge when I went to bed but is better this morning.  I will not let this addiction of nicotene take over my life again. Being a closet smoker is very mind draining because sometimes it is just impossible to get that fix when needed.

I would have movie afternoon for my youth at church which was mostly all day. No smoking there even if I could get outside away from them because they would smell it on me. As soon as I was by myself on the way home, I was lighting up. Now if I went 6-7 hours wihout a cigarette why couldn't I give them up? I reallly didn't smoke that much but I think it was the only thing in my life that I had control over and I felt cigarettes were my friend because they were all there.

This may help some so I will share: I am in the middle of a very stressful divorce since April 15th of this year. We were married for 5 years. Shortly after our marriage, I discovered that he was not looking for a wife but a maid and a cook. He was retired and wanted to spend all of his time making bullets, going to gun auctions, and doing gun shows. Well I never saw him except for meal time and it was like I was alone. I did not get married to live alone. I had quit smoking one year before we even met and when I discovered i was just being used, I went back to my crutch. I kept praying he would change and stayed in this relationship for 4 more years.  Smoking did help me get through this terrible situation as I was about to have a nervous breakdown.  I even went to a therapist to help me as I felt like I was drowning. Finally we split on April15th but he continued to mess with my mind--long story.  All is done now and we no longer have any contact with each other. I thought to myself I am finally free of verbal abuse now I need to get rid of the nicotine addiction. That is why I chose July 6 as my quit date.  I am free to be me and that feels so awesome.

Now I feel like I really want to live.  God is my strength and will never foresake me. I thank Him for bringing me to this site. My new found family has been here for me for support and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Just remember smoking will never solve a problem, it will create a new one-failure. When I started back smoking, I have a sense of failure and every time I lit up,  I hated myself.  Now I am on track again and I have my awesome family here and most of all MY GOD, I will succeed.

Have a great Tuesday and love to you all

Carolyn and Cookie

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