Thanks to the support of this site and the many amazing friends I have met here, I am smoke free after 47 years (give or take) spent trying to slowly commit suicide. I am stronger than I have ever been in my life. I have a very long ways to go to become the person I saw in my future and I may never actually become that person but our dreams evolve, just as we do. Once upon a time, I thought I would live in a mansion and have more money than I could ever spend; hahahaha…WHERE did I think it was going to COME from? NOW, as my 65th birthday approaches in September, I would like to live in a little one story house or apartment that I RENT. I always wanted to own my own house, apparently I thought that a roof would repair itself, plumbing issues did not happen in my dreams, the appliances did not randomly decide to die, cars did not die and cost more to repair than they were worth. I have never owned a new car in my life…not that it matters but it would be nice if I could own a RELIABLE car of ANY age.
The important thing here is that I am not smoking over ANY of it, not the money issues, the ongoing pain, the conflicts, the stress. I know that smoking does nothing FOR me but it did lots TO me and none of it is good.
If you are just beginning your quit, I promise you that if you stick with it, it will get easier. If you keep falling backwards and keep having to start over and over again, you have my deepest sympathy because it just gets harder when you keep feeding the beast. BUT, keep trying, one day, you will find YOUR formula for success and you will be so grateful to be able to answer the question, “Do you smoke?” with a firm and decisive, “No, I don’t.”
Thank you to each and every member of this site for all of the help, the support, the advice, the love that I have felt.
XOXO,
Ellen
