I'm writing this post this morning with a heavy heart...
I've spent a little while this morning just lurking through the posts, and I'm disheartened to read some of the responses I've been reading to certain blog posts. It seems as though many of the users on this site have forgotten their manners, or just how to talk to people in general. Some people seem to have forgotten what it's like to be a smoker who is struggling to quit, but who just can't seem to find a way to break the addiction to cigarettes. I've seen belittling when people have been honestly asking questions, and I've seen snide remarks when people respond with utter sweetness to honest questions.
It disgusts me, to be honest.
I know there are some on this site who feel it is their duty to provide "tough love" to people to get them to see "the light." I, for one, took a long time to see the light, however I had to see it for myself. No amount of rude comments made me realize I needed to stop smoking. I had to come to that conclusion for myself.
I'm a firm believer in loving people, even when they're the most unloveable, or when they're going through a tough time. Quitting smoking is hard, and if you've been successful at it, I certainly applaud you. However, I caution you to remember what it was like to be a struggling smoker who was trying their best to quit, but who failed time and time again. If you're one of the few who managed to quit on the first try, that's wonderful. However, to assume that everyone is going to be like you...well, that's just ignorance on your part.
When I turned to this site for help, almost a year ago I think, I did so hoping that I would find some caring individuals who would give me some guidance and support. You see, I was a secret smoker, as I know many of you have been in the past. At the time, I didn't think I could come clean about my addiction with my husband or my kids. I needed an outlet, and I was met with a lot of anger when I tried to use this site for its intended purpose.
I believe my quit method was the reason I was met with such hostility. However, my quit method is not the subject of this post because it immediately brings out the worst in most of the members here.
So, I've decided to close my account and move on. I've beaten cigarettes and their hold over my life. I did so mostly through the support of my family and friends. There are other sites online that have also given me the support I need, and I'm truly thankful for them.
If you've made it this far, I just want to caution you to please use courtesy when you post on this site. Many of the people here are hurting. You may think that your "tough love" is helping them, but for every person who accepts your hurtful words, there are that many more who have probably decided to go back to smoking because they're not getting the support that they need.
We should all treat others the way we want to be treated. We may not all LIKE one another, but we should do our best to LOVE one another. A little bit of respect and a kind word go a long way.
