but I am coming here first, just as advised by ones here who know better than me. I am once again in emotional turmoil. For any who have read my previous situations that involve one of my sons, you will know it is the one thing to get my heart the most hurt & my emotions run high. I had asked him to come down to FL for Mother's Day, that's all I wanted. He lives in NY with the 'bitch from hell' wife (that's what he called her before he married her, really!) Money is no issue for them, but I did offer to pay for the flight. I told him I really wd like some Mom/son time (which he hasn't been here for Mothers Day or any other holiday for at least 10 yrs). I suggested that it needn't interfere with her time with her Mom, she could stay & he could come just for a short wkd & spend it with me. Learned today he is not coming because of the cost since he said sit wd be for both of them. Ya mean he can't have time with just me for 2 days without bringing her? She shd stay in NY with her mother anyway!. I have not responded back to his text telling me this. I was always very close with my 2 boys. They grew up in a nice family with lots of attention *& lots to do. My feelings are tending to rationalize at this moment: One of my excuses for not wanting to quit smoking was the stupidest reason we can use & I feel like I am going right back to it. I feel I have a son who has dismissed me pretty much as his Mom, my other son lives overseas, see them once a yr, but they have their own agenda for life, my husband travels 3-4 wks a month, therefore why do I want to live a long life like this? Nobody cares anyway, & I am really missing smoking right now. It WAS my faithful companion, no matter what. Take this blog as a scream for help, but right now I don't know whether to get down off the ledge or to just jump!
