Day 6 of sobriety. I have made it beyond this mark in the past, but my goal was always to stop drinking for a trial period to "get my drinking under control". Once when I was 18 serving in Germany, I drank many shots of tequila by myself in my room (because of course that is a normal reaction to anger and distress). Some of the boys from down the hall paid me an unexpected visit and the next day I was watching myself on video saying all sorts of ridiculous things, none of which I remembered until that moment. Thankfully these boys were true buddies and didn't try anything funny, but I was not naive enough to think things couldn't have ended differently. I had heard the rumors of one female (that's what we were called, like we were animals) who had gotten so drunk she had allowed a "train" to be run on her. I would explain what that is, but I think you get the idea. Not only did this actually occur, but it was assumed and asserted by all that she had brought it upon herself and was a worthless whore for having done so. I knew if that had happened to me, I would have suffered the trauma of gang rape as well as the emotional pain of isolation from my peers, harrassment and verbal abuse from peers and superiors alike. Due to this realization, I was scared off of drinking for several months. I made a lot of interesting observations during this time. Namely, the foolish behavior of others while drinking, their unrelenting insistence that you join them in the activity and their indignation at your refusal. I didn't understand any of this at the time. I didn't make a big deal out of them drinking, why did they make a big deal out of my choosing not to?
I went back to it obviously with only one attempt to "get it under control" for one month. It was a test of my will-power that I failed. I made it a pathetic 9 days, but I told myself it was my experiment anyway and I could stop the experiment any time I wanted. It's true and even this time, I can make the choice to drink at any time. I have the luxury of that option because I am not being obliged by the law to stop. The point is, that I WANT to do this. I can and I want to and I choose to in the same manner that I stopped smoking. Every day, making a choice, every time I have a craving making a choice to abstain.
