went to my step-daughter's graduation party last night. now, you have to understand that my husband's family is, well, a bit different. all the in-laws, the exes, the ex-laws, the outlaws and a few ne'er do wells were there. his ex-wife seems to find me a source of moral support and virtually clings to me. needless to say, the stress level was hovering at 10+.
i was trying to be nice to everyone while meanwhile inside my mind was a not so little voice screaming "SMOKE NOW!!". just when i thought i would have to break and run off into the brush to sneak a puff, my mother-in-law comes up to me and says, "you seem so different today. (i thought, yeah, i'm about to jump out of my skin) "you seem so relaxed and confident." WHAT??!! EXCUSE ME?? and then i kinda got it: having a smoke wouldn't change anything. not one thing. it would still be exactly what it was. could it be that i could end up holding my head a little higher by quitting? wow. maybe so.
