Today is 75 days since I stopped smoking and took back my life. I haven't been blogging as much lately because I've been feeling so great! I certainly don't want to rub it in anyone's face, but I cannot believe how wonderful I've been feeling. I am so present in every moment. My life is far from perfect, but I feel like I'm at the point now where I've realized that I can deal with life without smoking. Actually I can deal with life a lot better WITHOUT smoking!
I never realized how much stress my nicotine addiction caused for me. I would get testy every few hours without my cigarette crutch. Now I can get lost in a project with the kids and not even realize how much time has gone by. I am connecting more with my children in general. Has anyone seen that commercial on tv for the mattress, where the little girls say, "we used to live with a bear" and there is a grizzly bear in the bed? The mom was a grizzly bear because she had a bad mattress and didn't get good sleep. Once she bought the *whatever* brand mattress she changed back into a woman. That was me on nicotine. I was a grizzly bear if I didn't get my fix. I am proud to say that the grizzly bear is gone and she is NEVER coming back!
By the way, I had an old friend stay here with us last night who was traveling through the area. She is a smoker. I was so NOT tempted and I must say even disgusted. I don't want to be a militant ex-smoker, but I think that anyone who comes through this addiction and out the other side knows how daunting it can be to finally quit. I will never go down that road again. I love the free me too much! BUT this friend actually had the nerve to say to me, "i wish you could come have a cigarette with me" as she was heading out on my front porch. I just laughed and said, "sorry I don't do that anymore," and I kind of mentally wrote her off my "friends" list. This woman has a lot of issues anyway and I really need to cut the cord, but it is one of those tough situations. How do you break up with a friend you've had for 25 years? How do you tell someone who is completely self absorbed that you have had enough of them? I have puzzled over this question for YEARS with this relationship. I actually think this "friend" of mine might have borderline personality disorder, seriously. BUT I am not smoking over it and it really isn't my problem, even if that sounds harsh. I have my own family and set of problems to worry and fret about. I guess I could just not answer the phone when she calls and I'll admit I do that once in a while.
Ok, so yeah I guess I had more issues to blog about than I thought, but that is the way it goes when you are peeling back the layers. That is what I will continue to do, peel back the layers, sometimes laugh, sometimes cry, but always knowing that I'm discovering the real me and living my life free, finally!
Happy Friday, peace out!
