i am so upset at myself. another terrible holiday with my family..one of my sisters threw me out for telling my brother i was upset with her becasue i asked to take a plate home for a friend who is sick with cancer and cannot leave home due to pain. she interpreted my upset as "talking shit" and threw me out, along with my kids and fiance. i was crying,hurt and pissed!! I screamed, "somebody give me a cigarette, i dont give a hell about my damn health!!!" and smoked 5-6 puffs before reeling with disgust at myself and the nasitness of it..and threw it away. I am SO ASHAMED and mad at myself!!! Because I have been here before!! And it led me back to smoking full time. That is the very last thing i want..i enjoy being a non smoker.and will be blogging daily and reading and staying close because i dodnt want this to become habit. As a matter of fat i never want it to happen again!!! i understand n.o.pe. becausew it has happened to me time and time agin. you all will be seeiing aloyt of me around, because i am not letting this garbage ruin-or run my life!! I am so upset..i want to keep my quit. oct 5th, till today. 😞
