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My Bumpy Journey - V

chipper525
Member
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They say the definition of insanity is to perform the same action over, and over, and over again while constantly expecting a different outcome.   The act of quitting smoking, cheating, starting over again, cheating and so on would most certainly qualify.  And as Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory says: "I'm not crazy - my mother had me tested."   It was a self-evaluation but my determination to never go through this experience again hopefully places me in the sane category.

For whatever reason, the 4PM hour is a killer for me and I don't know why.  I had always smoked the heaviest in the morning hours - not mid to late afternoon - so I can't entirely understand the intense daily craving but boy-oh-boy does it alert me to its presence every ding-dong day and kick my butt.

Yesterday - my two week mark - should have been a day that held some sort of self congratulatory  expression but there was none because I allowed doubt to creep into my mind.  Don't ask me why I do this to myself but I constantly over analyze.... probably one of the reasons why I make my money as a legal analyst but, since I don't pay myself, the constant reassessment of how I chose my path to quit smoking (NRT) should not be a source of analysis OR anxiety - yet it is.

I keep asking myself if I would have been better off going cold turkey and it's a question I should not be debating.  Perhaps I do because I so badly want "this" to be over even though it's clearly a process that must run its course.  But then I cycle back and ask: but did I take the right path?  Would it be over more quickly if I'd just rip this stupid patch off and endure the three days of misery?  Allen Carr's words echo in my brain although I was already several days quit - and on the patch - when I read his book.  See the dilemma?

If anyone else has been using Step 1 of the patch, as I have, has reached the 2 week point, is feeling overly confident and has the same thought I did above.... STOP YOURSELF.  It's a monumental mistake complete with pigeons relieving themselves all over it! 

For about 5 hours I paid dearly for that bad decision and it felt as if I had taken 5 giant steps backwards!  I put the patch back on, without a single regret, and by this morning felt back to where I was before making (at least for me) the foolish decision.

At the moment I don't think it even matters where you live in the US.... it's stinking hot and, at least where I live, terribly humid.  Sorry guys - but you're just not going to get this.... if any of you ladies are having hot flashes as I am perhaps you, too, have noticed that the start of a serious crave is not that different from the start of a flash and, oh brother, I'd swear I'm craving and flashing at the same time.  It's beyond comprehension.  If it were possible to see a person's heat and energy coming off their body I'd swear I'm lit up like a 4th of July sparkler.  And then why not add a dash of frustration just to top it all off?

But the good news is that I made it through another day.  And tomorrow, I'll do it again. 

No matter what method you've chosen to quit it has to be right for you - it simply doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... they don't have to walk in your (too tight) shoes.

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