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Share your quitting journey

Learning a lot from here- Blog, Track and learn-Aug 7th continued

ginger34
Member
0 5 6

I want to say that his is a great site. I am so appreciating everybody's feedback. The tips are great on here. Along with my chantix I am finally headed in the right direction. My quit date is Aug 9th. I am allowing myself 5 smokes a day if needed. I am tracking them so i know my triggers. When i signed on here and set my quit date i thought Why track? but i did it anyways and ironically due to the chantix i wasnt really having the craving that bad but thought it would be useful to allow myself to smoke chart it and my reaction etc. And I am learning so much from that. Today it finally dawned on me that yes I am an addict, I had always admitted to being addicted to cigarettes but never saw myself as an addict and saw how it affects every freaking aspect of my life. I am just starting to see how much of a haze i have been walking around in because I am a slave to my cigarettes. And I haven't even quit yet. I am pushing back my cravings when I do get them, at least until they go away then I feel so confident and know that I can do this. Then I go and smoke cuz well I am an addict with only 2 days left to smoke and also because i want to smoke that cigarette and then document how i feel privately on my cigarette tracker. And writing this stuff down is great because then I reread it and actually comprehend what is going on.. because it seems I am too busy in life to actually think sometimes and I am the master of denial!!!!!Today after smoking a cigarette, I was sad and I teared up. Why? Because i relized that i was getting nothing out of it and subconciously I wonder if I have been smoking like a crackhead to hurt myself, to inflict abuse on my own self because I deserve it. Crazy shit huh? Ugh it is always so hard when i face reality but you know what living in denial about my smoking isn't even fun anymore, I don't enjoy it and that's when life gets no fun at all!!!!

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