DAY TWO
The morning went well enough (smoke free) but right now i am really trying to push through. I feel the habit more than the nicotine fix. I want to sit and "relax". Drinking lots of water, keeping busy with little things. Kids are home and they are all over my last nerve. I am really trying to keep an even tone wtih them, without much success. They are 12 and 15, so even on a good day, the nature of the beast is that they are just plain annoying. OK, and today i have zero tolerance.
Keeping busy, trying to reorganzie how i go about the routine, without the ever present cigs. This is a tough day.
Ugh. I want to whine, but not really. I want to be angry with myself, but i know that gets me nowhere. I've read many of the links you all have recommended, and i will continue to do so.
Well, i have moved my laptop to another location, and today i am limiting my time online, since thats a great waste of time, and i can go thru half a pack in an afternoon, just emailing and surfing. My head is pounding, it is hot, i am extremely irrritable. I don't even like Jolly Ranchers but i've been thru a bag already in two days.
I am going to get thru this, right now i don't even feel like myself. Everything is cool here, and i am reacting to every little thing someone says and does. I hear myself responding angrily at the kids, and a little voice in my head is saying "crazy lady, cool it", and i'm just a runaway train. As i wrote the last sentence, the poor kid asked a question from across the room. He was at the kitchen cabinet. Although i didn't hear what he asked, i snapped "Just do what youre going to do, I don't need a running commentary" (he is very chatty). To his credit, he just shrugged and repeated, that he only wanted to know if i would like some chips and salsa.
I should probably eat something. I think in addition to the quit i am probably protein starved right now.
Anybody out there...thanks for listening
