In one hour, I will have officially been smoke-free for 4 DAYS. I cannot put into words what a HUGE deal this is for me. For the past 7 years, I have not been able to go one day without cigarettes. And here I am, sitting in my dorm with my nicotine patch on, thinking about smoking but knowing that I WILL NOT SMOKE! It's a great feeling. Oh God it's a great feeling.
I think what has helped me the most during these past few days is constantly reminding my friends and fiance that I am quitting smoking, and telling them when I want to smoke. At first I was worried that I would annoy them, but the people in your life who care about you want to see you healthy and definitely do not want to see you smoking and will put up with the constant annoyances.
Oh wow I am rambling. I will admit that I am going a little bit crazy without cigarettes. The urge at times is so strong.. SO strong. It's like there is a rope buried deep inside of my chest, and the second I think the word "cigarette" in my head, that rope gets tugged and my chest hurts and in that moment the only way to get that rope to stop tugging is to smoke a cigarette. Is this making sense to anyone but me?
But I'm proud of myself. I thought the nicotine patch was going to be my savior, but it does not seem to be doing too much. The cravings are still there. But I have the strength to overcome them, and I will CONTINUE to overcome them.
I am determined to never take a single puff of a cigarette ever again for the rest of my life. Oh Lord that is frightening to type out. It terrifies me. But it's what I have to do to be smoke free, so I will do it.
With love,
Kate
