Well I started my journaling day before yesterday but yesterday was a really bad day! I live in a trailer and woke up to sirens going off, we were having a tornado!! I woke my hubby up, we quickly got dressed and went to the neighbors house. We were spared losing anything but some of my family in the next town lost everything. It was so stressful a day that I smoked double what I usually do. every time the phone rang I didn't want to pick it up for fear of more bad news. My family has been through so much this past year and it just seemed like 2010 didn't want to let go without one more smack in the face. We lost my daughters first born son at 41/2 years old on july 17th to leukemia, then she had a baby in November who has hypoplastic left heart and I have been trying to live in two places at once!!! I have tried to be there for her as much as possible and with my husband the rest of the time. I have some pretty pressing health issues myself and have had a hard time keeping my own health in check as I tend to put my needs on the back burner and pretend theres nothing wrong, but recently had to face some of the issues at hand... I have some back and neck issues and now they are saying surgery is probably the only optopn to rid me of the cnstant pain. I have had two surgeries in the past and it made matters worse in my opinion, so I am not enthusiastic about having another!! I feel as though I need to quit to better my health and make sure my new grandson never see's me with a cig hanging out of my mouth. With all that said I am sooo ready to do this and afraid of failing again. I haven't wanted something this bad in a very long time, I hope that being here is my first step to success. Thanks all for listening to my whining self as there are people out there who have it worse than I but it was definately a trying year, so now I am ready for this new year and new beginnings.
Brightest Blessings everyone
