I love smoking. ENJOYED IT ! Sounds crazy doesnt it? but its the truth. I still do enjoy it......so now the ultimate task. To not just quit a strong addiction to nicotene, but stop doing one of the few things in my life that I enjoy doing ~ This is an all out war of my wills and strengths....where at times, my weakness is stronger and my will power is non exitant !!!
I take Chantix. Getting it refilled in a timely manner has been an issue. Each time I have had to wait several weeks for it to get refilled...( pharmacy screw up, insurance approval etc. ) and I have had some real set backs. Lost days of being smoke free in the interim...This could really make me angry and frustrated, but I have found that my emotional state of mind is my biggest enemy~
Its happened to me twice so far. I was finaly approved to take the Chantix medication last Dec. 2007. This quit smoking drug has allowed me to get farther than I have ever have gone before, by using anything else before in the previous attempts I made at quiting. It does have its side effects for me, however I am more than willing to put up with those, However, it doesnt seem like it matters how long BEFORE I run out of the Chantix, that I phone in for a refill, ahead of time, that I am still left *without* it for 2-3 weeks. The first time, I had managed to cut back from the packs a day amount to 2-3 cigs a day...and even though the last time I managed to make it 23+ days smoke free? I wound up going back to smoking again. In the long abscence of NOT having my daily dose of the Chantix !
Granted, NOT in the same old patterns or amounts as before....I have managed to change a lot of the triggers I once I had....I was smoking a pack and half or better, and I am only doing 3 - 4 smokes a day if that much...( butting and relighting style ) and my triggers are much fewer than before...( i.e; on my pc, on the phone, first thing in the morning, before I went to bed, and after meals and when nervous and tense being the worst down falls I had... ) I have managed to keep those changes in force ! Thank goodness ! But I am still smoking, at times. 😞 I am however, not giving up or throwing in the towel. I have ran into other people that have told me it took them a good year to quit. The key to being successfull was NOT giving up or in and just throwing ones hands up and walking away! Like the Chantix commercial on TV states, quitting is not for sprinters! I didnt really understand the real meaning behind this statement, until I started my own race for my own finish line....:-D
This time? I will cross that finish line and obtain my goal. I have already been able to see and feel and smell and taste differnces in the days, and weeks I have managed to stay smoke free. I just got the refill again on my Chantix yesterday, so I can now take it twice a day again and get myself back on track. I really have such encouragement and hope in this new stop smoking medication! It is working miracles for me in my life !!!!
It would be really easy to throw my hands up in the air, and admit defeat and smoke! That sound so much easier. Just admit defeat. Nope. Cant. Not an option for me at this point in my life. So even though I stumble and fall, I still pick myself back up and crawl back on that non smoking wagon. Its the stick to itiveness this time thats making a difference. One fall from grace so to speak doesnt mean I have failed for forever~
There is one further complication to all of this, and thats another medication that I have to take that the doses are always being adjusted and raised on me.....Prednisone. When I have to start re-taking my prednisone? My cravings are off the wall and out of control, along with a lot of other side effects that this drug has on me....so rock and the hard spot. I just have to see *past* these times and through/beyond them as I struggle with it every day. I have to really keep in mind to NOT beat myself up and NOT feel like such a failure, or defeated and let down in myself too much...
I admit its not easy.
