Keeping Not Smoking ...

[ro_2]

This is not an easy feat. I am not even as light on my feet as I'd like, and it's already 2 weeks and 3 days, that's 17 days ... am I impatient, you betcha.

I do feel totally lucky though about these 17 days -- I cannot afford to step back and no reason to dissect the "why" I've been able to do it now ... I do and will have liffe changing experiences up in front of me, and no way to change all of life anyway, but I chose to put off a major move for an additional month, giving some credence to the difficult of this, and whereas then I'd feel even more foolish if I went back to smoking -- what I did do though that doesn't feel positive, is put too much time in front of me, of 'nothing to do' type of time ... I am not working and there's no realistic reason to believe I'm going to be able to fill my time with anything agreeable like work, so it's a lot of killing time, that already has felt like that killing time is killing me so I'm dying to get moving kind of feeling - that's "me" ... anyways, I am now unable to get moving, period -- my not smoking will only help this period and whatever lies in front of me, to smoke, is to give in to all of it -- I have fought too long and though it doesn't feel as if I'll ever get out the woods regards what makes me tick, and things of that nature there ... I'd be less embarassed if I wasn't huffing and hacking from teh cigarettes -- I was off line for about 4 or 5 days, feels like it was FOREVER ... I can see needing this technology for sure as it's the technology accessing information that is keeping me feeling I'm "above my own fray" enough to get YES - 17 DAYS AT LEAST! Thanks all who may or may not listen or care, Ro