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All shook up! NOPE! Let's move it along, Please! IF YOU FALL OFF, JUMP RIGHT BACK ON!

TerrieQuit
Member
1 19 49

Boy did I ever mess that up?! YES! I feel very humbled today! Knocked off my high horse so to speak. I have a new clock on my page and will be taking the old one down. I have been writing my story and this episode will be in it. Yes, I smoked, it was less than 24 hours, however, I am a firm believer of NOPE. So as soon as I can the old clock will leave, there is already a new one up that says I am ? hours into day 1. I do count the days, I was very proud of my days! I smoked and I flushed my quit. Many of you have told me it's okay, it was just a slip! NO, in my eyes I relapsed. It won't be real ugly (I don't think because I smoked less than 24 hours) but I can still feel it! AHH!

Many of you have asked me why? This has been brewing in my system for about a month! Some of you knew I was thinking about it. There is no one thing that made me smoke but ME. No finger pointing and no blaming anyone else. There are a million reasons but they are excuses and I give myself no excuse (no lead way) I put the stinking thing in my mouth and set it on fire and about 40 more behind it! That's smoking!

Please just help me begin again and move forward from here! Don't tell me not to beat myself up, that's impossible and I would probably beat anyone else up that flushed 519 days! It's all good!

Think about this:

How many times will you see a lighter, light a candle or fireplace and not think about smoking?

How often will you be left sitting alone out in public, while everyone else slips out to smoke and not think about smoking?

I could go on and on there! The point is, I was teetering on the edge for about a month when I came in the house Tuesday night angry I saw those cigarettes and I grabbed them and smoked. They had laid there for 3 days , actually, they lay there all the time since Brandy lost his quit. I am not a smoker anymore so I wasn't worried about all that. I should have been protecting my quit better than that! But I thought "Terrie, you've got this!" The keywords are a former smoker, nicotine addict Remember 

The Law of Addiction"Administration of a drug to an addict will cause re-establishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance."

 

I want to keep helping you quit/stay quit and now I need the same. No pity, please! I have kicked my own rump so that probably wouldn't help either! I know most of you are flabbergasted, so am I!

Let's get back to the business of quitting and staying quit. Keep it moving!

and PLEASE REMEMBER THIS, THERE ARE NO EXCUSES, THE ONLY ONE THAT MADE 'ME" SMOKE WAS "ME"

Don't Quit on your Quit!

Terrie 22 hours 41 minutes!

Newbies, Please don't let this scare you too much, I am pretty sure that God has a plan, he always does! Protect your quit!

Oh, I will still do the Thursday Train to Freedom and the Pledge page, if you all will allow it, I would love to continue those. This has been a very EXpensive lesson!

I love you all, and look I am not coupled with Mark anymore! That bit of humor got me through! I was LMAO! I still am! (sorry, Mark, I couldn't resist)

19 Comments
About the Author
Hello, I am a 59 year old female, name Terrie, still growing up. I have moderate COPD. I am an oxygen patient, currently not in need of the 24/7 or night time oxygen. Thanks to all the great support and education I got here on EX. My original quit date was 07/06/15 on day 519 I relapsed and started over in less than 24 hours. I want to go to the great beyond being a former smoker and I shall! COPD is not choosy! and not pretty! May 1rst, 2017 I am using Dale's suggestion to put off a cigarette each time and I am down from 50 to 20. I am looking forward to my old(7-6-2015)/new quit date 7-6-2017 May 4th, 2017 I started with Marlboro reds. Nicotine is a very assinine addiction. Once addicted I found I would smoke any of it including the little cigar/cigarettes, and it's still true since I threw away my quit and stopped being true to myself. I will smoke ANYTHING with nicotine in it to get the fix. I hate smoking! I am not having a problem stopping it's staying stopped, that I am not doing! I do not buy anything but regular tobacco but if caught without it I will do anything except vape to get the fix. UPDATE POSTED 04/24/2018: Getting ready to set a quit date and begin again :)