It's been 3 days 8 hours and 40 minutes since my last cigarette. I'm going to allow myself to track my quit to the minute for the first week, then I'm dropping the app I'm using. A wise EXer commented yesterday that each quit is personal, and I agree. I find myself looking at my stats and health achievements constantly, like it's a lifeline, and it's going to stop. The fact that I no longer smoke is not the most important thing in my life. Day 3 was just a crap day. It was my depression day, I missed my private time, my selfish time, and I missed the chemical reaction in my brain. Needless to say, I'm glad Day 3 is over. This is Day 4. While it's only been 3 days, I've learned that I DO have tremendous willpower, and I'm going to use that to tamp down negative feelings and reactions if I'm having a Day 3 do-over. I refuse to participate in the misery of withdrawal, instead I commit to celebrating my freedom. So there, depression. Up yours. I might be a tad miserable (and bitchy.... there! I said it!), but I know that I will not smoke. Having said that, I know that I'm not out of the woods and am still vulnerable. I read blogs yesterday with sadness and understanding as several EXers slipped. I'm not an idiot and know that it could easily be me. One of my biggest tests will come tonight. I'm an officer at a local American Legion and we have a meeting tonight. Lots of alcohol and smoking. I will not participate in either; my friends all support me and I will not go into the bar. This will be hard though.....this is MY place. We all have that place. I'll go into the bar eventually, but today is not that day. Finally, my early morning thoughts bring me back to the EX community. I am so grateful and fortunate to be very healthy, relatively fit, well employed and part of a loving family. As I read blogs I see that many are not, and am inspired by their positive and selfless attitudes. As I read the comments and posts of endless support and encouragement, I'm shamefully aware that I'm in a very selfish stage of my quit. For goodness sake, I can barely look away from my quit-counter (3 days, 8 hours 57 minutes, by the way). It will not always be this way, and as soon as I break out of my daze, I'm gonna love and support you guys right through your quits. Until then, you're all stuck on my rollercoaster. xx Susan
